23:25 | 16.4.25 | The Difficult Conversation – It has to be had
I’ve spent a lot of my life people-pleasing. With time and experience, I’ve come to learn that more times than not, consistent people-pleasing produces a net negative to society. And in most cases, the “pleaser” bears the brunt of that negativity.
There are many instances in life where things happen that we either didn’t agree with or rubbed us the wrong way. However, depending on the type of individual that you are, you either flag it up and voice your concern. Firm it and tell yourself “It is what it is” or be genuinely unbothered by the situation.
I always thought I was the “unbothered type”, and to be fair, in most cases, I am. However, a few instances have taught me that I’m not necessarily unbothered; I’ve just delayed the processing period. By “default”, I’ve sacrificed my peace of mind because I don’t want to fathom the “chaos” that could be caused by saying things as they are.
Why? Who knows. Conflict avoidance. The discomfort of confrontation. Not wanting to “kill the vibe” aka fear of being disliked. You could even go as far as saying a lack of confidence or a sense of identity. After all, you stand up for what you believe in. So if you barely believe in yourself, how likely is it that you’ll stand up for yourself when the time comes?
The funniest part is that usually, “the difficult conversation” is often the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it’s there, yet we pretend to ignore it. Be that in a relationship, at work, or with family. It’s a conversation that is necessary but is generally procrastinated, like most important obligations in our life. Right up until it forces itself out or has grown to a point where it can no longer be ignored.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes my imagination of how the conversation could go is usually overly exaggerated compared to how it acutally goes. Like back in primary school when we would secretly be beefing the whole class. Planning to come in and not speak to a single soul. Only to get to class the next and not even remember what pissed you off in the first place.
Sometimes, we let our imagination paralyse us from doing what we know will be beneficial; then we project what might otherwise be the worst-case scenario.
“Assumptions will get you killed”. It’s something I’ve always said; I don’t know where I got it from, but times when I haven’t lived by these words, I’ve allowed my mind to enter dangerous territory.
Why live based on assumptions when you have the opportunity to gather as much information to make an effective judgment call on the situation at hand? “Communication is key”, we all say it. But the depth of communication is just as important. The silent treatment is a form of communication, is it not? But an open conversation involving both (or however many people) is probably more constructive, given that at least one person is willing to listen.
It’s easier said than done, that’s for sure. But it’s better done than said. The opportunity cost is pent-up resentment, frustration and outright negativity. All because we were not willing to make an effort to articulate something that affects/affected us in a way that wasn’t appreciated.
For all you know, the person or situation you are losing sleep over is completely unaware that there is a problem at hand in the first place. Sh*t, you might be the elephant in the room waiting for someone to announce your presence, when really you’re more than capable of making the introduction that starts the conversation.
Don’t burden yourself any more than the world already has. Get it off your chest (in an articulate manner).
W~